A Time for Everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Wow. What a true statement. There is a time for EVERYTHING. But, does that mean our timing? No. Not our timing, God’s timing. This verse has been a staple to my life, especially the past month. I have had a secret I was so excited to share with the world, but God had a different plan. At the beginning of February I started feeling a little off, I was tired ALL the time, and feeling icky a lot. Being a teacher, I kinda played if off. Well, the more I thought about it, the more I knew—I was pregnant. I told Tyler that I needed to take a pregnancy test. We both were super anxious to find out the results. That 1 minute to wait to look at it seemed like way more. We looked on the count of three. Were we ready for another one? Could we afford this? What will we do about daycare? Can we love another child like love Ty? “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born.” We were pregnant! Our emotions were crazy. All those questions were a reality. We were excited, but more nervous than anything. The next day I started to bleed a little, and I called my doctor to make an appointment. My heart was racing, was I okay? Was this precious baby okay? I went to the doctor and there on the screen was our beautiful baby number 2. BP2 as Tyler and I say. Our beautiful baby had a heartbeat and everything looked great. “A time to be born.” All our questions and fears immediately went away. We knew God picked us to be parents again, we knew we could love another child just as much a Ty. We were ready to be a family of four: Tyler, Ty, BP2, and me. My wonderful little family. I was on cloud 9! I was pregnant again and so excited!! We decided to wait until my next appointment to tell everyone. We told our family and a few of our co-workers. We prayed with Ty every night and thanked God for choosing us again. The weekend before my next appointment we took family pictures with Ty man to announce our big news! I made a cute little sign with “I’m going to be a big brother” on it. I was counting down the days to see my sweetie pie on the ultrasound again. Tyler & I texted all day about it—we couldn’t wait to see BP2 again. Tyler couldn’t leave work early that day, so I invited my Mom to come along. We get to the appointment and wait a little & the ultrasound tech called me back. There was our baby again, so precious and had grown. “A time for everything under the heavens.” She sent me to wait on my doctor for my checkup. I left the room with no pictures and a strange feeling in my stomach. I prayed in that moment for God to give me strength. I knew I was going to need it. My doctor walked in and asked me how I was feeling, I told him I was feeling pretty good. He sat down in front of me and told me something I didn’t want to hear. “A time to be born, and a time to die.” We had lost the baby. Our precious baby’s heart had stopped beating. My heart broke and I lost a piece of me that afternoon. How could this happen? I was doing what I was supposed to. I was resting. Why, God? Why? I made my appointment to have my D&C the next day. I was devastated. I still had my baby in my stomach, but my baby had stopped breathing. I went to my mom’s afterwards and waited on Tyler & Ty to get to me. I felt so numb. I was so heartbroken.

It has been a week since I found out that Tyler and I had lost our baby. We are both still heartbroken—but we know it was God’s plan for us. Do we understand? No. Do we still trust God? Yes. “A time to weep and a time to laugh.” I wondered that day if I would be able to laugh again. And I have been able to. This baby will always be a part of our life and hearts, but we will try again. Losing a child is not something anyone wants to happen—but, it did. Together, Tyler and I have grown closer to each other and God. Our love for each other is even stronger than before. My relationship with God is stronger. He has sent me so much comfort and I so thankful for that. Not many people even knew I was pregnant, and at one point—I didn’t even want to tell anyone about losing our baby. I wasn’t embarrassed, I just didn’t want to have people ask me about it. I didn’t think I was ready to talk about it. Last night I was praying about it and I knew God was telling me to share my story. Here I am 27 years old and it the past 7 ½ years I have lost my daddy and my second child. But, I still trust my Heavenly Father and praise him for everything. He knew I was strong enough to handle these things and he know I would grow in him through these rough times. I know that my daddy and my baby are together and that my daddy is loving on BP2. How beautiful and reassuring is that? God loves me. God loves Tyler. God loves Ty. God loves YOU. We go through things in life that we don’t understand, but we put our trust in Him through the good and the bad—he will bless you. Look how he has blessed me: I have a mother who never gave up after she lost her husband, two wonderful baby sisters who are growing up and becoming amazing women, an incredible husband who has stood by my side through EVERYTHING—the good, the bad, and the ugly, amazing family and friends who love me no matter what, and my most recent blessing—my son, Ty, who brightens my day all the time! How can I focus on the rough times, when I can clearly see how much God has blessed me? How could I possibly not trust him? Is it hard? Yes. But I will continue to trust him in every aspect of my life. Thank you, God, for blessing me and loving me. Thank you for showing me that you love me every day. Thank you for blessing me with sweet BP2 and showing me that I can be a mom to two, and that I can love another child. Thank you, God, for everything. If you are going through a tough time, please remember “there is a time for everything.” Remember God loves you, and even through the tough times we should praise him.