My why, my how, my reason, my testimony.

I have struggled with wondering when I should share my story of losing my dad. Only a handful of people know exactly what happened the day I lost my best friend, my inspiration, my daddy. I'm going to start from the beginning. I hope that my testimony can be of some inspiration to someone. Feel free to share this with someone you feel it may touch. Isn't that what our testimonies are for? To touch people's hearts? Well, here it its. Here goes nothing.

My senior year in high school I will never forget that night. I was sitting on my bed doing homework and my mom & dad walked into my room. That never happened. Not at the same time. I knew. I knew something was wrong. I was right. This was the day my life forever changed. My family's life forever changed. In the moment I wanted Gayle. She is like my second mom & I wanted her. I needed her. I knew she'd make me laugh. Make me smile. She did! She drove around with me and we just talked. Thank you, Gayle, for that day. Thank you for being there for me!

As my life continued, his treatments began and this was the new norm for me. My parents would go to his treatment and I continued my normal routines. I graduated from high school with my dad there cheering me on. All was okay in my world. Everything felt somewhat normal again. I decided to go to college at Huntingdon in Montgomery. That was the best decision. I was close to home and would be near my family. God knew what he was doing. He knew I would need to be close. 

Fast forward to Fall of 2007. My new normal that I had adjusted to slowly began to change. My dad's cancer got worse and my heart grew colder. I just didn't understand why this was happening to my family. Why wouldn't God just heal my dad? Why couldn't he just be cancer free? Why? I shouldn't have asked that many whys. But God would show me later. That is my favorite part of my story. 

At the beginning of October I was sitting in my dorm room alone waiting to hear from my mom. She was with my dad having a very important visit with his doctor. My phone finally rang. This phone call would change my life forever. This was it. My mom didn't want to tell me what she knew. She was being her amazing self. Her strong self. Incase you don't know my mom, she is the strongest person I have ever known. I said mom, you have to tell me. I have to know. In the matter of 1 minute my world came crashing down. There was nothing else that could be done. The battle was coming to end. I was heartbroken, distraught, and numb. I ran across the hall to my dorm neighbor, Maggie. She took me in her arms and she just hugged me. No words were exchanged. Just tears and hugs. That silence is what I needed to process everything. Maggie, you will never know how much those hugs and silence meant to me. Thank you for being my rock during that moment. About 30 minutes later my second mom came to my rescue along with my roommates. I cried and cried to them, and they continued to hug me. I just wanted to know how much longer. How much time had they given my dad? As Gayle was hugging me I saw in the corner of my eye her hold up the number three with her fingers. Three days? Three weeks? Three months? I had no clue. Thank you, Gayle, for being there. Again. You were there at the beginning of this battle & the end. You are so very special to me. Also, thank you Katy Jo, Chelsea, & Lynley for being such incredible roommates that were there no matter what time I needed y'all. For reminding me to laugh and to let loose. Thank you to my big, Destree, for the cuddles and endless talks at night when I needed you most. My little, Kristi, for being such a great and loving little! Who would take me on the best car rides! :) 

I later found out the answer to my question was three months.

That three months turned into 2 weeks. How did this happen so fast? Now here we are 8 years ago today I am at my house talking to my dad. Having what would be the last real conversation I would have with my dad. He told me to be strong. To protect my sisters. Be my mom's rock. Mom, Hannah, & Hollan; I hope I have lived up to Daddy's request. I'm so thankful for the three of you. We couldn't of gotten through this without each other. I truly believe that. Us VanderHey girls stick together! 

I will always cherish that conversation. Always. 

Now to the morning of October 26, 2007. I woke up, went and gave my dad a kiss like I had been doing the past couple of days he had been in care of hospice. He wanted to finish the battle at our house. In the comfort of our home. A little funny of that day. Our dog Josie was barking like crazy, like usual. And in his mumbled voice he said, "can someone shut that damn dog up." My dad was always a man of few words. But when he said something, he meant it. We quickly found a place for Josie to stay. 

Around lunch I went to run an errand. Before I even got to the destination I was told to come home. It was time. My heart sunk. I prayed the whole way home for strength. 

I got there and everyone was standing in a circle holding hands. There was a spot waiting for me to hold my Daddy's left hand. I told him I was there and that I loved him. I asked if I could pray and I prayed for courage and strength for all of us. I told my dad to go get our house ready in Heaven. We are okay. We would be just fine. My mom said her goodbyes and for a moment we thought he was gone. But, it wasn't. I closed my eyes and heard the song "Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home." It was what I needed to hear. Then it happened. My dad took his last breath. The battle with cancer was over. 

Right then and there I saw the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I saw the gates of Heaven. It was amazing. It was bright. Then I saw my dad on the other side. Smiling at me. I knew he was home. I knew God gave me a peace. A reassurance. He gave me a reason to keep going. 

I went outside to see the sun shining and to see an opening in the clouds. It was another peace God gave me. Our good family friend, Barbi, came out with me and just hugged me. Thank you, Barbi, for your hugs during that. 

Gotta love hugs!

I went back inside to check on my mom. And I just sat with her and cried. When the tears stopped I told her what I saw. Here is my favorite part. She. Saw. The. Exact. Same. Thing. God is amazing, isn't he? Here comes another amazing part. My mom's friend, Janice, said that was such a beautiful song. I said you heard it too? And she said, Heather, you were the one singing. Incredible. God used me and I didn't even realize it. 

The rest of the day and into the evening we sat there and shared our favorite memories of my dad. They were filled with laughter and tears. Two of my dearest friends came by to say their goodbyes to my dad and to be with me. Lauren & Erin thank you for coming. Thank you for loving me and just being there to sit outside. You two girls will never know how important you were to me that afternoon. 

My life continued on after that cool October day. A few weeks after my dad passed, I would call his cell phone just to hear his voicemail. I wish I could still call it. I miss him every single day. I wish he could have been here to meet Tyler and be there when Ty was born. But, he has had the best seat in the house for all the occasions in my life. 

I will forever be grateful for that day. Even though I lost my Dad, I got to see him at the gates of Heaven. And I will get to see him one day. 

Thank you for reading my testimony. 

God bless!

-Heather 

To Our Angel Baby

BP2,

Hey sweet angel baby! Today is the day that you were supposed to be here. Today is the day we would have been a family of four. Today is the day Ty would no longer be the baby of the family. Today is the day Ty would have been a big brother. Today is your birthday. Happy Birthday, my love. Today is a day of sadness and a day of praise. Today, none of those things happened. God had different plans. We think about you daily. We wonder if you would have been a baby boy or baby girl. Did you know that we had names picked out for you? Those names will forever be yours. I cannot believe this day has come. I have dreaded it. I still wish you were in my belly. I still wish I would be getting everything ready for maternity leave. But, God knew you would have had to have a lot medical care. God knew that you needed to be in Heaven. That is why today is a day to praise too. Because you don't have to see the evils of this world, or be sick. You are healed and you are with God and you are with my daddy! I'm jealous, little one. Give your Papa E a hug and a kiss for me. And have him give you a hug and a kiss from Daddy, Ty, and me. We love you, baby. We miss you. But, we are so thankful that you are watching down on us. Happy Birthday, Baby Perdue 2! Enjoy your party in Heaven!

Love,

Daddy, Mommy, & Ty

I still feel as if a piece of me was lost the day I had my D&C. I feel like I have grown in my relationships with God and Tyler. It hasn't been easy. I have had some tough days & some good days. I cannot lie, I asked God why. I was so disappointed in myself for questioning God. But thank goodness for my amazing Husband. He reminded me of God's perfect plan. He reminded me that God knew BP2 needed to be in Heaven. God had a plan. Thank you, Tyler, for reminding me of that. Thank you for loving me & bearing with me through this time. I know that when God wants us to be pregnant again, we will be. I thank God daily for giving me peace & blessing me with Tyler & Ty! And just for blessing me in general. Remember, sometimes things happen to us that wasn't our plan, but God's plan. Remember God loves you no matter what. 

Here is my only ultrasound picture I got. Here is our sweet angel baby. 

"For the word of the Lord holds true, and we can trust everything he does. He loves whatever is just and good; the unfailing love of the Lord fills the earth."

Psalm 33: 4-6

Blessings,

Heather 

A Time for Everything.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says. “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Wow. What a true statement. There is a time for EVERYTHING. But, does that mean our timing? No. Not our timing, God’s timing. This verse has been a staple to my life, especially the past month. I have had a secret I was so excited to share with the world, but God had a different plan. At the beginning of February I started feeling a little off, I was tired ALL the time, and feeling icky a lot. Being a teacher, I kinda played if off. Well, the more I thought about it, the more I knew—I was pregnant. I told Tyler that I needed to take a pregnancy test. We both were super anxious to find out the results. That 1 minute to wait to look at it seemed like way more. We looked on the count of three. Were we ready for another one? Could we afford this? What will we do about daycare? Can we love another child like love Ty? “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born.” We were pregnant! Our emotions were crazy. All those questions were a reality. We were excited, but more nervous than anything. The next day I started to bleed a little, and I called my doctor to make an appointment. My heart was racing, was I okay? Was this precious baby okay? I went to the doctor and there on the screen was our beautiful baby number 2. BP2 as Tyler and I say. Our beautiful baby had a heartbeat and everything looked great. “A time to be born.” All our questions and fears immediately went away. We knew God picked us to be parents again, we knew we could love another child just as much a Ty. We were ready to be a family of four: Tyler, Ty, BP2, and me. My wonderful little family. I was on cloud 9! I was pregnant again and so excited!! We decided to wait until my next appointment to tell everyone. We told our family and a few of our co-workers. We prayed with Ty every night and thanked God for choosing us again. The weekend before my next appointment we took family pictures with Ty man to announce our big news! I made a cute little sign with “I’m going to be a big brother” on it. I was counting down the days to see my sweetie pie on the ultrasound again. Tyler & I texted all day about it—we couldn’t wait to see BP2 again. Tyler couldn’t leave work early that day, so I invited my Mom to come along. We get to the appointment and wait a little & the ultrasound tech called me back. There was our baby again, so precious and had grown. “A time for everything under the heavens.” She sent me to wait on my doctor for my checkup. I left the room with no pictures and a strange feeling in my stomach. I prayed in that moment for God to give me strength. I knew I was going to need it. My doctor walked in and asked me how I was feeling, I told him I was feeling pretty good. He sat down in front of me and told me something I didn’t want to hear. “A time to be born, and a time to die.” We had lost the baby. Our precious baby’s heart had stopped beating. My heart broke and I lost a piece of me that afternoon. How could this happen? I was doing what I was supposed to. I was resting. Why, God? Why? I made my appointment to have my D&C the next day. I was devastated. I still had my baby in my stomach, but my baby had stopped breathing. I went to my mom’s afterwards and waited on Tyler & Ty to get to me. I felt so numb. I was so heartbroken.

It has been a week since I found out that Tyler and I had lost our baby. We are both still heartbroken—but we know it was God’s plan for us. Do we understand? No. Do we still trust God? Yes. “A time to weep and a time to laugh.” I wondered that day if I would be able to laugh again. And I have been able to. This baby will always be a part of our life and hearts, but we will try again. Losing a child is not something anyone wants to happen—but, it did. Together, Tyler and I have grown closer to each other and God. Our love for each other is even stronger than before. My relationship with God is stronger. He has sent me so much comfort and I so thankful for that. Not many people even knew I was pregnant, and at one point—I didn’t even want to tell anyone about losing our baby. I wasn’t embarrassed, I just didn’t want to have people ask me about it. I didn’t think I was ready to talk about it. Last night I was praying about it and I knew God was telling me to share my story. Here I am 27 years old and it the past 7 ½ years I have lost my daddy and my second child. But, I still trust my Heavenly Father and praise him for everything. He knew I was strong enough to handle these things and he know I would grow in him through these rough times. I know that my daddy and my baby are together and that my daddy is loving on BP2. How beautiful and reassuring is that? God loves me. God loves Tyler. God loves Ty. God loves YOU. We go through things in life that we don’t understand, but we put our trust in Him through the good and the bad—he will bless you. Look how he has blessed me: I have a mother who never gave up after she lost her husband, two wonderful baby sisters who are growing up and becoming amazing women, an incredible husband who has stood by my side through EVERYTHING—the good, the bad, and the ugly, amazing family and friends who love me no matter what, and my most recent blessing—my son, Ty, who brightens my day all the time! How can I focus on the rough times, when I can clearly see how much God has blessed me? How could I possibly not trust him? Is it hard? Yes. But I will continue to trust him in every aspect of my life. Thank you, God, for blessing me and loving me. Thank you for showing me that you love me every day. Thank you for blessing me with sweet BP2 and showing me that I can be a mom to two, and that I can love another child. Thank you, God, for everything. If you are going through a tough time, please remember “there is a time for everything.” Remember God loves you, and even through the tough times we should praise him.